FRIENDSHIP HAS DOUBLE LANES
Augusta Balarebe is a 35 years old beautician at Lorish Spa and Massage Parlor in Enugu State Nigeria. She’s very good and skillful with her hands. She earns good money enough to cater to her needs, sponsor her three siblings in school, take care of her parents and gift herself occasional vacations outside the country when her body demands to rest.
She has a good life and has everything going well for her. The only problem she has is relating with people. She finds it hard and almost difficult to sustain a friendship with anyone beyond a month before it hits the rock.
According to her, no one understands her. Everyone she has ever tried to be friends with all sit on a high moral chair to judge her and call her hurtful names before cutting off the friendship. They complained that she is not loyal or trustworthy. Her best friend broke ties with her because she is selfish and consumed with the I, ME, and MINE mentality. She cannot lift a finger to help anyone when she has nothing to gain or benefit from the deal.
AUNTY AUGUSTA BALAREBE IS WRONG!!!
If you are like Augusta and find it difficult to maintain friendships, others are not the problem, look inwards. You are the problem.
Genuine friendship is characterized by Virtue, displayed in terms of loyalty, affection, and mutual benefits, in terms of giving and receiving. Friendship is a two-way traffic that entails the element of “reciprocity” and accordingly a sense of “obligation.”
If you feel people don’t want to be your friend, become interested in them rather than trying to get them interested in you. Humans are social creatures. We crave companionship and belonging. You can also try the following tips to improve your relationship with people.
- Doubt your doubts and confront your fears. God has not given you the spirit of fear but of love and of a sound mind – 2 Tim 1:6-7. A deposit of love has been shed abroad in your heart, activate it and make intentional effort to be a good friend.
- Don’t flatter: Flattery destroys friendship, and true friendship demands a degree of frankness. If all you have around you are boot lickers, praise singers, you may be heading on a destructive path. Friends that flatter are fair-weather friends, and not true friends. True friends must be able to speak truth into your life, tell you what you don’t want to hear.– Heb 4:12, Pro 9: 7-9, Prov 27: 5-6.
- Be genuine and authentic: Don’t seek to be served in the relationship only. Strive to serve others too. God is love, and our hearts must also be drawn towards others in love, to befriend them, so that we can serve them. Your service quotient is directly proportional to your friendship quotient – Gal 5:13-18, Rom 5:1-5.
- Do not gossip: People do not trust people that gossip or breach confidentiality. Gossip triggers negative emotions in relationship. Who wants to be around negative people? Answer: other negative people.
- Show up – every time: Real friends show up for their friends no matter what. Showing up when needed is a way to demonstrate your commitment to the other person. Real friends show up in the good times and the bad.
- Walk in the spirit: Walking in the spirit will help you deal with the works of the flesh that prevents you from having and making friends easily. What are they (Gal5:19-22 MSG)?
- A stinking accumulation of mental and emotional garbage; (2 Cor 10:3-6)
- Cutthroat competition
- All-consuming-yet-never-satisfied wants
- A brutal temper
- An impotence to love or be loved
- Small-minded and lopsided pursuits
- The vicious habit of depersonalizing everyone into a rival etc.
It is never going to be easy but the Holy Spirit is our present help in times of trouble. He will help you to overcome the works of the flesh and making friends will become easier than you thought.