The great mysery in marriage

THE GREAT MYSTERY IN MARRIAGE and THEIR TRIGGERS

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Text: Gen 2:18-25, Eph 5:23-33, 1 Pet 3:1-7

 Gen 2: 18-25

18 And the Lord God said, “It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a helper comparable to him.”

19 Out of the ground the Lord God formed every beast of the field and every bird of the air, and brought them to Adam to see what he would call them. And whatever Adam CALLED each living creature, that was its name.

The word “Called” is the Hebrew word “Qara” which means to proclaim or to appoint. God has put in believers the power and boldness to proclaim and appoint life to situations and circumstances of their life. Just like the scripture confirms in Pro 18:21 that “ Life and death are in the powers of the tongue…”. It is left for a believer to exercise this authority and dominion in Christ Jesus.

20 So Adam gave names to all cattle, to the birds of the air, and to every beast of the field. But for Adam there was not found a helper comparable to him.

21 And the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall on Adam, and he slept; and He took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh in its place.

22 Then the rib which the Lord God had taken from man he made into a woman, and he brought her to the man.

23 And Adam said:

“this is now bone of my bones

And flesh of my flesh;

She shall be called woman,

Because she was taken out of man.”

24 Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.

25 And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed.

When God removed a rib from Adam to form Eve his wife, He covered it with flesh leaving a hollow there. If you don’t leave your father and mother to obey God’s injunctions on marriage, the hollow will always be there. There is a need for that bone to find its place in the hollowness of our lives so that we can be complete.

 Wives are encouraged to submit to their own husbands and not to other people’s husbands. Some women are experts at honoring other people’s husband while they treat theirs with disdain and disrespect. This rule also applies if the husband is not yet born again or under the submission of the word of God. The bible is consistent and God did not give any permission for insubordination. The husband is expected to reciprocate the gesture with unconditional love and affection.

Your godly actions and conduct and not only the physical adornment of the body can change a man.

 From our texts in Eph 5:30-33, we see Apostle Paul  referring to the relationship between Christ and the Church as a great mystery,  and comparing it to the relationship between a man and his wife. In order to release the power and the gains of this mystery, the following triggers are identified:                          

1. ONE FLESH-SEX
2. NAKEDNESS
3. NO SHAME
4. LOVE
5. RESPECT

ONE FLESH – SEX:

1. 1. The joining together of a man to his wife and the two becoming one flesh is a great mystery. One is joined to one and becomes one.
   2. Physical sex is part of that great mystery created by God and the fulfilment of the joining together to become one.
   3. From Eph 5:30, “ 30 For we are members of his body, of his flesh and of his bones”; we can allude to three dimensions of the relationship in this mystery:
      1. “…members of his bones”: The bones represent the structure of the joining. This refers to the spiritual dimension of the joining where the spirit begins to mingle with one another, the spirit begins to flow into one another.

“… members of his flesh”: This dimension of the joining of flesh refers to soulical mixing in marriage where the soul begins to flow into one another, the dimension of the mingling of their intellect, their emotions and their will.

“… members of his body”: This dimension refers to the physical joining of their bodies. Sex is the main vehicle of this bodily joining to become one.

God expects a marriage to be joined in the above three dimensions.

This is evident in the physical anatomy of both genders. God made the organs for the bodily joining so perfect that they become one during the sexual intercourse.

Sex signifies the cutting of a covenant between the two partners and is designed for the confines of marriage. When sex takes place with one outside the marriage God calls it a fraud and it will be punished.

1 Cor 6:12-20, 7:1-5 NLT

Avoiding Sexual Sin

12 You say, “I am allowed to do anything”—but not everything is good for you. And even though “I am allowed to do anything,” I must not become a slave to anything.

13 You say, “Food was made for the stomach, and the stomach for food.” (This is true, though someday God will do away with both of them.) But you can’t say that our bodies were made for sexual immorality. They were made for the lord, and the lord cares about our bodies.

14 And God will raise us from the dead by his power, just as he raised our Lord from the dead.

15 Don’t you realize that your bodies are actually parts of Christ? Should a man take his body, which is part of Christ, and join it to a prostitute? Never!

God cares about your body and how it is being used. Our bodies are parts of Christ and should not be joined to a prostitute. We are only permitted to join our bodies which is part of Christ with our spouses and to become one with her

16 And don’t you realize that if a man joins himself to a prostitute, he becomes one body with her? For the Scriptures say, “The two are united into one.”

• But the person who is joined to the Lord is one spirit with him.
• Run from sexual sin! No other sin so clearly affects the body as this one does. For sexual immorality is a sin against your own body.
• Don’t you realize that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit, who lives in you and was given to you by God? You do not belong to yourself,
• for God bought you with a high price. So you must honor God with your body.

 When we join our bodies to our partners’ body, we become one body with her united into one flesh and one spirit with one another and the Lord. This is the understanding that biblical sex coveys! It is  established by God, ordained by God and encouraged by God.

As married couples become one flesh, more and more in their body through continuous sexual act, they are sanctifying their bodies and making them pure for the Lord, i.e. the more they have sex, and know themselves more and more; they become one spirit with the Lord.

This is what makes them one spirit with the Lord and it is a major trigger for the release of the mystery of marriage. It is this mystery of a couple becoming one flesh through sex that finally consummates the other dimensions of their joining spiritually and soulishly.

God is pleased dwelling in the union of marriage and the act of sex taking place between the husband and wife does not dishonor God, but actually honours him and validates the beautiful work of his creation.

Some advantages of the “one flesh – sex” trigger: Ecc 4:9-12, Deut 32.30

1. The couple’s strength is multiplied – as two are better than one.
2. Spiritual battles are won more easily if couples are growing in this area of sexual communion and are in Christ.
3. Couples that are joined together, combined in sex, fused into one spiritwill put tens of thousands of enemies to flight as their prayer power together is more effective and more potent.
4. A man with a healthy sex life has and displays more confidence at work, in his career and most life endeavours.
5. God is pleased dwelling in the union of marriage and the act of sex taking place between the husband and wife does not dishonor, God but actually honours him and validates the beautiful work of his creation.

Further advantages from the scriptures in 1 Thess 4:1-8:

1 Thess 4:1-8: Plea for Purity

1 Finally then, brethren, we urge and exhort in the Lord Jesus that you should abound more and more, just as you received from us how you ought to walk and to please god;

2 for you know what commandments we gave you through the Lord Jesus.

3 for this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you should abstain from sexual immorality;

4 That each of you should know how to possess his own vessel in sanctification and honor

5 not in passion of lust, like the Gentiles who do not know God;

6 that no one should take advantage of and defraud his brother in this matter, because the lord is the avenger of all such, as we also forewarned you and testified.

7 For God did not call us to uncleanness, but in holiness.

• Therefore, he who rejects this does not reject man, but God, who has also given us His Holy Spirit.

 It is the will of God for Christians to have moral sex. Sex between a man and his wife brings them to a place of sanctification. In other words, when you keep yourself away from all other persons except your spouse you are keeping it pure and holy for the Lord.

Thus, marital fidelity is the means of and provisions of keeping the body pure and sanctified for the Lord’s use. The more sex you have with your spouse, you two become one flesh and one spirit with the Lord and the more of His power is released through you for exploits.

When you have sex outside marriage, God says you are taking advantage of and defrauding your brother – the husband of that woman or the future husband of the sister you are fornicating with vice versa and God will avenge and punish all of such actions – 1 Thess 4:6-7.

 BOTH NAKED (NAKEDNESS):

Gen 2:25 and they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed.

1. Nakedness means to be plain (transparent) and open to each other. It also means to have a clear uncomplicated view of one another, in all areas of life:
   1. In investments, income, properties
   2. Past, present and future

• In family matters, family health, family wealth, family challenges etc.

1. No strange discoveries of any secret files later on in the marriage – this will bring distrust and is the foundation for divorce.
2. This nakedness must be reciprocated by both parties – wife naked to husband and husband naked to wife. It should be on a continuous basis and not just about the past but to be currently naked.
3. When one partner chooses to be secretive, the other is left in suspense to suspect and assume all sorts.
   1. Suspicion and fear are killers of the marriage bond/covenant.
   2. Suspicion and fear neutralize the potency of the marriage covenant/bond.

Let there be clarity and transparency in marriage, “Nakedness” is a trigger for the release of God’s power and presence in any marriage!

NOT ASHAMED

Gen 2:25 and they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed.

1. Shame is the feeling of defeat and inferiority before another person, especially if he shows disappointment on his face at the discovery of an aspect of one’s life that is not so palatable
2. Shame is the feeling of inadequacy and lack of assurance when a person is rejected or shunned off because of his or her fault
3. Shame is an intimidation that comes to a person when others who were let into his/her secret life, exploits the situation to act as superior and as champions.
4. Shame comes to people when they see their age mates stand where they seem unqualified to make appearances due to some of their past misbehaviours
5. Shame leads to:
   1. A deliberate effort to cover up, to withdraw and to coil in.
   2. Shame leads to disappearance from the limelight into obscurity.

• Shame reduces a person to impotence.

1. Shame sometimes manifest in violent self-defense as a form of cover up.
2. Shame comes up with criticism of the other person as a means of disgracing him/her as well.

1. Shame is the reason some men are not proud of their wives; they don’t take them out to some occasions because they feel she can’t represent them well. If she is your partner in destiny, coach her.
2. Some wives are also not proud of their husbands because of their physical appearance: They say he is too short or too tall and thin, or has tribal marks!
3. When a man is ashamed of himself or put to shame by his wife, he may react by pursuing programs, projects and other pursuits just to redeem and vindicate his image.
4. All of these are not convenient for building a marriage it will only divert your focus and launch you into a life of struggle.

 God’s expectations: Gen 2:25 and they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed.

God spells out a principle of absolute and gracious acceptance of one another irrespective of the differences in tribe, education, culture or financial status. He expects that Couples should appreciate one another and embrace the fact that each one is from the Lord. There should be no comparison or criticism but just pure acceptance that will lead to improvement in performance.

However, both must grow and improve in life to correct their deficiencies. It is advisable not to put each other under any pressure to win affection, love or acceptance.

If you are to tap into the power of the mystery of marriage you need not be ashamed of one another.

Simple steps by couples to overcome being ashamed of one another:

1. Wives, several times your husband is battered outside by the wind of austerity, scarcity and lack of fulfilment in career, business and ministry. He needs your assurance and fresh affirmation.
   1. Don’t put him to further shame by continually reminding him of his inadequacies.
   2. You are the bone which is missing among his ribs, his deficiency is the reason for you being his wife – help him, reason together with him and together birth the innovation and creativity that is needed to pull through out of the woods of lack into abundance and prosperity!!
2. In the same way, husbands you must nourish and cherish your wives.
   1. She needs constant assurance of your love as she can sometimes get mixed up in her heart.
   2. She needs words that affirm to her your love, your affection, your commitment and above all, your acceptance of her just as she is!